Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
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