What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
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