Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test? This is too much pressure!
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I really lava you!
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white?
Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.