Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
Water you doing?
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible summer, but he sure had a great fall.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
The fisherman lost his new fishing hook in the river. He refused to accept it. He was in the Nile.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
What is the best way for fungi to grow? You must give it as mushroom as possible!
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
The main difference between the weather and a horse is that one rains down while the other is reined up.
What did the husband say when his wife told him he bought the wrong flowers?
"Oopsie daisy!"
My wife refused to go to a nude beach with me
I can't believe she is so clothes-minded.
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
Did you hear about the B I V G R O Y rainbow?
The poor thing has a deviated spectrum.
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning?
His entire wife flashed before his eyes.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
Salty but sweet.
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
Why are mountains always sleepy? Because they n-Everest.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
A tree's limbs fell off in a storm, now it's an amputree.
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