If trees could kill you, they wood.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
I heard that burglars used grass to pick a lock and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire.
It was a hot mess
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
My glasses fogged up once I came out of the AC room last summer, but I was okay because I was opti-mistic.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
Why did the obtuse Triangle go to the beach?
Because it was more than 90°.
The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.
Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecast?
It’s the clam before the storm.
Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
What is Jack Frost’s favourite mode of transport?
A Tr-Ice-cycle
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
What should you do if it starts raining cats and dogs?
Please seek shelters.
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
After all is red and done, all the colors in the rainbow are equally beautiful.
I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
How does one raindrop ask another out? Water you doing tonight?
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
The queen’s favorite form of precipitation is the reign.
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.
Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
Q: Why did the wind turbine blush?
A. It broke wind.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
What do you call dumb jokes at the beach?
Comic sands.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
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