What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
Why don’t clams give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!
They figured it was the best way to break the ice.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
Q: Where can a tornado be jailed?
A: In a high pressure cell.
Why did the strangers walk out onto the frozen pond?
Q: What's a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister
I know a man whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters: Summer, April, and Haley.
Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
Beach, please.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
Avoid pier pressure.
Q: What did the tornado say to the sportscar?
A: I’m taking you for a quick spin!
When a mountain falls sick, it tells the doctor that he's feeling really very, very hill.
Every time I passed a ring-shaped coral reef with a coral rim that encircles a lagoon, I had to pay a fee. It was atoll.
When the drivers ran out of fuel in the grassland, they refueled their tanks with grass-oline!
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
Do you want to hear a joke about a bolt of lightning?
Actually, maybe not. The end is rather shocking.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
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