I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
The lake did not like the river because it felt that the river was not very lake-able.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
Are you squiding me right now?
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
What’s the difference between a horse and wet weather?
One reigns up and the other rains down.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
What does a spy do in the rain?
He goes undercover.
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
What do you call a Mongolian leader who got struck by lightning
Shocka Khan.
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
Tropic like it's hot.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...
When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con.
Why don’t Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm.
You probably won't get struck by lightning.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
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