I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
Don't get tide down.
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
When a mountain falls sick, it tells the doctor that he's feeling really very, very hill.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
My glasses fogged up once I came out of the AC room last summer, but I was okay because I was opti-mistic.
When it comes to getting things done, my work ethic is like lightning.
I take the path of least resistance.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
My wife said the stretch marks on her legs looked like lightning bolts...
So I said, that's because you have thunder thighs.
Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.
Why did the River go to the doctor? Her flow wouldn't stop.
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
Q: What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
I can sea clearly now.
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
Wind turbines don’t talk about much. They just shoot the breeze.
Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
What did the husband say when his wife told him he bought the wrong flowers?
"Oopsie daisy!"
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
Tis the sea-sun.
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
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