When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
This rainbow is on its last legs, it's really hanging by a red.
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
A man once said when is Monday coming? His wife said Mon-soon.
What did the tornado say to the washing machine?
Want to go for a spin?
I imagined I saw a rainbow but it must have been a pigment of our imagination.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
Q: What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
The main difference between the weather and a horse is that one rains down while the other is reined up.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
My family wanted me to cut the grass, but I couldn't get myself mow-tivated.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What did the cow that was struck by lightning say?
I'm udderly shocked.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What is fire to a pyromaniac?
Just a warm-up.
What do you call a weather man that destroys dinosaurs?
A meteorologist
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
My wife and I went hiking and got lost. I lost my temper and she was so upset she threw the map at me.
Now I know where we stand.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
My wife was watching me do some DIY and she said I hammer like lightning.
I never strike in the same place twice.
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