What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
A mountain biker was chased by a Grizzly this morning. He bearly made it.
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
I'm reading a book called "The Yellow River"
It's written by I.P. Freely
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
The other day I put out a big dangerous open fire!
The other people on the hot air balloon didn't appreciate me for some reason.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
My wife was watching me do some DIY and she said I hammer like lightning.
I never strike in the same place twice.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
Tropic like it's hot.
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
What is the color of the wind? Blew!
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
When a mountain falls sick, it tells the doctor that he's feeling really very, very hill.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
What is a mountains favorite type of candy?
Snow caps.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
I had the best ice pun to tell you…
Problem is, it slipped my mind.
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite Elton John song?
A: Candle in the Wind!
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
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