Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game?
A: Twister
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
Every time I passed a ring-shaped coral reef with a coral rim that encircles a lagoon, I had to pay a fee. It was atoll.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow? Nothing, it was feeling blue.
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain.
One fish said, “Quick, let’s swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!”
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
Q: What did the cloud say to the lightning bolt?
A: You're shocking!
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
What did the pigeon say after being struck by lightning?
Not coo.
What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
What do you call a dinosaur that got stuck in the rain?
A driplodocus.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
Wanna know what I said when I got hit by a water gun?
H2Oww
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
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