Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Long time no sea.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
Fairies just spell trouble.
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
You mermake me happy.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
What’s the best way to catch unicorns? Simple, by herding them all to one corner.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
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