What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Go big or go gnome.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
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