Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Go big or go gnome.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
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