“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
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