What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Go big or go gnome.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!