Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
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