What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Go big or go gnome.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
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