“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Go big or go gnome.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
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