“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Go big or go gnome.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
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