Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Go big or go gnome.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
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