Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
Fishing you a happy day.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Seas the day!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Fairies just spell trouble.
You really mermaid my day.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Shell-abrate the good times!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
Wish upon a starfish.
Call me on the shellphone.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
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