What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Go big or go gnome.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What’s the best way to catch unicorns? Simple, by herding them all to one corner.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Fishing you a happy day.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
We were mermaid for each other.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
You really mermaid my day.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
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