"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
Long time no sea.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Fairies just spell trouble.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
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