I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
What do you call a 2D fairy?
Pixie-lated.
Fairies just wand to have fun.
You mermaid to go far.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Fairies just spell trouble.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
We were mermaid for each other.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
Call me on the shellphone.
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
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