Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
You are shrimply the best!
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Fairies just wand to have fun.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Shell-abrate the good times!
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
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