Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
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