Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
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