Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
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