When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
We were mermaid for each other.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
Call me on the shellphone.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
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