A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
I love you so fairy much.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Long time no sea.
Fairies just spell trouble.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
Fairies just wand to have fun.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Seas the day!
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!