The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
All stereos are so typical.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
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