What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...