Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
All stereos are so typical.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
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