There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
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