What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
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