What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
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