Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
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