What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
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