I met a French vampire who had an attention deficit problem. We called him Drac..ooh la la!
Why is Frankenstein such good fun?
Because he soon has you in stitches.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What do you call it when Dr. Frankenstein makes tea?
A monstrositea.
Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
Who turns the lights off on Halloween?
The light's witch.
What position does a ghoul play on the soccer team?
Ghoulie!
Who did the ghost take to prom? His ghoulfriend.
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
A barber, a hairdresser, and Bigfoot walk into a bar...
You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.
What did the grandfather ghoul say to his grandson?
You gruesome!
All vampires seem to have the same thing for their last meal. A stake.
What do you call a witch who drives badly?
A road hag.
How should you greet a Ghost? - Long time, no see.
What did the ghost teacher say to her class? - Look at the board and I’ll go through it, again.
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
What do you call a necromancer werewolf?
A dog with a bone.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?
She had a fainting spell!
Why aren't there more Bigfoot jokes?
There are, but they're really hard to find!
How do ghosts stay fit? By exorcising daily.
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
The best place for a ghost to go on holiday is The Dead Sea.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What do you call a mythical being working in a smoothie store?
Mejuicea.
What did the werewolf say when he sat on sandpaper?
- Ruff!
On reflection, vampires aren't actually that scary.
Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?
He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
What’s a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Why did the ghoul bury the trophy?
Because he wanted it engraved!
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
Why do ghosts and demons get along so well? Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
Why did no one want to sit near Shrek?
He had terrible body ogre.
What happened to the skeleton who sat by the fire for too long?
He became bone dry.
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
What does Bigfoot do to relax in his spare time?
He goes bird squatching!
One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.