Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.