Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.