What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
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