Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
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