Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
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