What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
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