How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
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