Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
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