When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
You’re my heartthrob.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
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