My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
I have a heart-on for you.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
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