I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
You’re my heartthrob.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
I have a heart-on for you.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
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