What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
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