Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
You’re my heartthrob.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
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