Many years ago, my grandfather used to cut the grass- but, he's been gone for a lawn time.
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
I heard that burglars used grass to pick a lock and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
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