I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
During a family discussion, my father said that grass is not greener than other plants. No one should make a biased grass-umption like that.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
Many years ago, my grandfather used to cut the grass- but, he's been gone for a lawn time.
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
When the drivers ran out of fuel in the grassland, they refueled their tanks with grass-oline!
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
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