We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
My family wanted me to cut the grass, but I couldn't get myself mow-tivated.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
Many years ago, my grandfather used to cut the grass- but, he's been gone for a lawn time.
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
All the grasses were bumping into each other because the grass-light wasn't working in the streets.
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
The police officer went to the crime scene and he saw that there had been a murder in the dense grasslands. Guess, we could call it a grass-assination.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
During a family discussion, my father said that grass is not greener than other plants. No one should make a biased grass-umption like that.
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
When the drivers ran out of fuel in the grassland, they refueled their tanks with grass-oline!
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
I heard that burglars used grass to pick a lock and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
Why do cows eat grass?
I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
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