Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
The superconductor left without resistance.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
The sun is just a big space heater.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
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