I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
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