Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
The superconductor left without resistance.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
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