Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.