Books on helium are so hard to put down.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Ah! The element of surprise.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
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