I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
Ah! The element of surprise.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
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