What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
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