"Let's have some skele-fun."
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
"Lazy bones."
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
"Some people have no guts."
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
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