My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
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