Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
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