Are you the one who signed up for the pee club?
Because if so, urine.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
How do you piss off a boat?
Stand on the back and take a leak.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What do you call it when you piss down a slide?
A weeee wee
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
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