What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
All farts...are laughing gas.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.