I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
All farts...are laughing gas.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
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