What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
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