I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
All farts...are laughing gas.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
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