I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
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