What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down