I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
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