I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
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