My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
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