Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
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