Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
All farts...are laughing gas.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
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