I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Dialysis is a blood bath.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.