Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
Only a**holes use bidets.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
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