Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
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