What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
Did you hear the gossip about the owl who hooked up with his boss?
I won’t tell you hoo.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.