If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
Where do the monkeys get their gossip?
They hear it on the ape vine.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.