What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
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