Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
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