How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
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