What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
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