How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
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