What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
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