What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Only a**holes use bidets.
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