My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
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