What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
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