what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
All farts...are laughing gas.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
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