what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
All farts...are laughing gas.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
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