This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
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