My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
All farts...are laughing gas.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
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