What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.