My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.