What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
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