Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
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