I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Go to BabaMail
