Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
All farts...are laughing gas.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
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