The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Only a**holes use bidets.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.