Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
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