The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
All farts...are laughing gas.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
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