I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
All farts...are laughing gas.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Only a**holes use bidets.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
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