If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
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