I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Go to BabaMail
