Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Only a**holes use bidets.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
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