I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Only a**holes use bidets.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
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