The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
All farts...are laughing gas.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
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