Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Only a**holes use bidets.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
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