Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
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