What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Only a**holes use bidets.