What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
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