You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Only a**holes use bidets.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
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