Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Only a**holes use bidets.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
All farts...are laughing gas.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
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