What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Go to BabaMail
