Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What is the study of real estate? Homology
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge