What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
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