What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Ah! The element of surprise.
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Go to BabaMail
