Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
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