My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
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