What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
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